You and Me, Kid

To my Johnny, I can see it now; The chaos, the fear, the love, the moment you entered the world. It was 10:31pm and the room was full. Nurses and staff running about, Dad, Grammy and your Aunt Shauna cheering with joy, machines beeping and a baby crying. In a strangely unceremonious way you wereContinue reading “You and Me, Kid”

Worry vs Wonder

Oh to wonder. I miss it. It’s a little over a year since my six year old son, Johnny, was diagnosed with autism and I can’t even imagine wondering about his future. From the beginning of pregnancy up until age two I wondered a lot. Who’d he be, where life would take, everything a parentContinue reading “Worry vs Wonder”

The Fix by Six?

Last night per usual Johnny had a hard time falling asleep. Calming his body into rest is not an easy task for him. Usually I try to deny his sweet requests for a million hugs and try to remind him it’s not the time to run, giggle, or sing. But on this cold January night,Continue reading “The Fix by Six?”

The Sweetest Gift

This holiday season we have been touched with the spirit of Christmas by friends and complete strangers.  Christmas is a little different for us. My son, Johnny, who is almost 6 and on the autism spectrum, doesn’t ask for toys or say what he wants. He lacks communication skills and understanding as to why. WeContinue reading “The Sweetest Gift”

Christmas Through Johnny’s Eyes

Christmas is so much. It’s busy, it’s loud, it’s joyful, it’s frustrating, it’s a lot. I love it though. I love it for religious reasons, I love being with family, I love yummy treats, and I love presents. I get so caught up in it.   I have so many deep seeded memories when it comesContinue reading “Christmas Through Johnny’s Eyes”

Christmas Gifts for Johnny

As I set out to write this post I decided to gather pictures to remember Christmases past. Now I sit in tears. One of the first memories I found was of Johnny’s first Christmas. He was almost 11 months old. In the video, I’m out of frame messing with the phone, trying to record everyContinue reading “Christmas Gifts for Johnny”

Where were you?

I didn’t know you. We were always together,  I fed you from my body, then my hands,  I bathed you, I changed you, I’ve always loved you. But you were somewhere else. Where were you? My son Johnny is now five years old. He is autistic. And I feel like I did not really know him forContinue reading “Where were you?”

Unqualified

Unqualified.  That’s how I felt when I found out my son was diagnosed with Autism at almost 5 years old. We knew it was coming, but now it was official. Things were never going to get magically easier. This was a lifetime calling. I was not prepared. I hated making appointments, filling out paperwork, awkwardContinue reading “Unqualified”

Sorrow, Sadness, Hope

Grief is usually a word associated with death.  A deep pain and sorrow that stabs at the heart. A mourning. I think that’s why a lot of people take issue with parents of autistic, or other special needs children, saying they had to grieve when they found out. How can you grieve for your living child?Continue reading “Sorrow, Sadness, Hope”