Parenting

Motherhood in the Deep End: Learning to Parent Through Autism

I’ve never known motherhood without autism. I was thrown into the deep end—but I didn’t even know it at the time. In the beginning, I had no idea that my beautiful baby boy had autism spectrum disorder. So naturally, I thought I was doing everything wrong. Nothing in the parenting books or the blogs seemedContinue reading “Motherhood in the Deep End: Learning to Parent Through Autism”

When Reading Is Hard: Supporting My Autistic Child Without Forcing It

School, learning, and reading have all been struggles. Autism manifests in so many different ways, and for J, the pressure of school—being forced to sit still and engage with things he has no interest in—creates a tough combination for learning. I remember the relief when he started preschool and suddenly, there was a whole teamContinue reading “When Reading Is Hard: Supporting My Autistic Child Without Forcing It”

I Wanted to Say “This Is Hard”: A Story About Autism, Isolation, and Motherhood

There’s a small moment from years ago that has always stuck with me. Even now, it makes me feel sad and a little guilty. But I also think it perfectly captures where I was in my journey through motherhood at the time. My husband and I had taken our kids—our son, about five, and ourContinue reading “I Wanted to Say “This Is Hard”: A Story About Autism, Isolation, and Motherhood”

Love’s Limits: Saying Goodbye to Having More Children

The plan was always to have two children, but after I had my two beautiful babies, I couldn’t help but dream of having just one more. Although we couldn’t know whether it would be a boy or a girl, in my gut and dreams, I saw a baby boy. We decided if he did comeContinue reading “Love’s Limits: Saying Goodbye to Having More Children”

You and Me, Kid

To my Johnny, I can see it now; The chaos, the fear, the love, the moment you entered the world. It was 10:31pm and the room was full. Nurses and staff running about, Dad, Grammy and your Aunt Shauna cheering with joy, machines beeping and a baby crying. In a strangely unceremonious way you wereContinue reading “You and Me, Kid”

Worry vs Wonder

Oh to wonder. I miss it. It’s a little over a year since my six year old son, Johnny, was diagnosed with autism and I can’t even imagine wondering about his future. From the beginning of pregnancy up until age two I wondered a lot. Who’d he be, where life would take, everything a parentContinue reading “Worry vs Wonder”

Christmas Through Johnny’s Eyes

Christmas is so much. It’s busy, it’s loud, it’s joyful, it’s frustrating, it’s a lot. I love it though. I love it for religious reasons, I love being with family, I love yummy treats, and I love presents. I get so caught up in it. I have so many deep seeded memories when it comesContinue reading “Christmas Through Johnny’s Eyes”

Support, Love, Friendship

Being a parent to an autistic child can be lonely and isolating. When I’m somewhere with Johnny, all my attention is on him. Off in a corner just him and I. Even when I’m in social situations on my own, it’s lonely because most people cannot relate. Or maybe it’s because I can’t relate. MyContinue reading “Support, Love, Friendship”