The Justs

I refer to them as “the justs.”

They come when you’re sharing your concerns, often intending to offer advice. More often than not, they arrive as unsolicited advice.

They feel dismissive, like someone stating the obvious to someone they perceive as clueless.

When I struggled to potty train my son for years, I heard, “just buy him this book” or “just have him watch this video.”

When my son refused to eat, it was “just wait until he’s hungry, he’ll eat” or “Just don’t give him any other options.”

When sleep became a battle, I heard, “just let him cry, he’ll eventually go to sleep.”

The “justs” seem simple because they are, but they aren’t a simple fix. They’re a simple way to belittle and disregard desperate parents. It’s the almighty “duh,” a simple way to shut someone down.

I’m sure I’ve been guilty of using the “justs” in other situations and I apologize if I have.

But I’ll tell you, in those early years as a mom to a child with an unexpected disability, they haunted me.

They compounded the feeling that I was failing, that something was amiss in my parenting.

Yes, in a sense, there was. I was parenting as if my child were typical, but I didn’t know better. I learned and adjusted. Still, that didn’t “just” make everything change or become easier.

Regardless of whether someone has a neurodivergent or typical child, don’t ‘just’ them. Listen and offer your tips and advice only when asked.