Overcoming My Learning Disability and Empowering My Child with Autism

I grew up with a learning disability. It’s still there, but I have figured out my own way of how to navigate life with it.

I have always felt different and felt behind everyone else.

As a child it often baffled me how other people could just “get stuff.” Nothing came easy to me.

Reading and writing were the hardest for me. At times, I excelled in math or science, but the disability always caught up with me, and I slipped back behind.

My family always did and has supported me to this very day, but I have always felt pitied by others.

In school and life, average has always been the goal.

By the time I got to college and had myself figured it out, and I did well.

I excelled in class, but even well into my junior year when a professor, who had no knowledge of my disability, complimented me on my writing my first instinct was to think that he was just being nice, or trying to build up my confidence.

I would constantly have to remind myself that my GPA and eventual degree wasn’t just given to me. That I earned it. That I was good enough.

In my adulthood, I have come to find that whenever I walk into a room or meet a new person, on a subconscious level, I automatically assume I am the least intelligent person there. Immediately giving those around me the upper hand in my head.

I constantly try to be the hardest worker as if I need to prove myself.

Certain people from my past even still talk down to me or direct questions about more academic subjects to others when in a group. It stings and doesn’t go unnoticed.

Most of this is projection and self-doubt I have created in my head. But there is still a little girl inside of me who always feels last. Who never feels good enough.

Now, as the mother of an autistic child who will never learn in a typical way, I want nothing more to build him up.

I don’t want him to carry the subconscious weight that he is not smart enough because he doesn’t learn the same way as others.

I want him to know that the only reason he feels that way is because the world is catered to a majority.

A majority who doesn’t get to see the world like he does.

That, yes, he will always have to work harder but not because he is less than anyone, but because he has to meet them where they are at, because most seem to be incapable of thinking like him.

He is always good enough.